I have been slacking at keeping up with this. I forgot how much time and energy working can take out of you. Plus, with maintaining a household, a husband, and cats, writing didn't make the top of my to do list last week.
Last Monday, the orientation at Battlefield went really smooth. I met a couple of the kids in our program and got to ask more of my questions. The lady I'm working with, the PL2, and I went through the office and took inventory. We figured out what supplies we need and organized some things. Plus, we went through the lesson plans a bit to get ourselves prepared for the first day.
Last Tuesday was my moment of truth. It was make or break. The morning session was amazing. It went so smooth. There weren't very many kids and they pretty much played games and kept to themselves. We did introductions and played a group game and that was really about it before we released them to school. Set up and break down was easy and I felt really good about everything. That afternoon, however, was an entirely different beast. According to the PL2 our afternoon went well, but in my eyes it was startling. I expected it to run much like our morning session did and I was quite wrong. The kids run into the gym all hyper from school and there are twice as many kids. They don't listen half of the time and they don't respect me because they don't know me. They have endless questions and only want to run around and play games and not follow the structure we have set up. I went home Tuesday wondering if I had made the right decision stepping into this line of work.
The rest of the week was much better though. The morning sessions continued to run smoothly and the afternoon sessions seemed more smooth because I knew what to expect after that first day. Of course, every job is going to have its frustrating moments and bad days. Friday afternoon pushed me a little further than I wanted but I think the kids were tired and we were tired and all of us were grateful the weekend was upon us.
This week has been great too. I find the more days I get under my belt, the more comfortable I am. I have learned so much already from my PL2 it's unreal. She has endless amounts of patience for the kids and for me. She is always willing to help me, answer questions, and offer suggestions. I don't know how well I would have survived without her. The kids are starting to get to know me and be more comfortable with me. There is still some respect issues, as far as them not listening to me as well as they do the PL2, but I think that will come with time. I am learning to be more assertive with them and different ways to handle difficult situations.
Plus, this job has given me an incredible outlet for my creativity. We are constantly coming up with ideas for things to do with the kids and different ways to motivate them. It's a very intellectually stimulating job, yet I get paid to play with kids- it's the best of both worlds. I am so thankful that I was given this opportunity and I definitely plan to continue forward with it.
I am having some anxiety related stress in other aspects of my life though. I feel in some respect that I am reverting to my old self. I am afraid to speak up and tell certain people how I feel because i don't wish to cause an argument or upset anyone. I feel like my personal bubble is being crowded. I don't appreciate people putting their nose in my business when it doesn't belong or playing twenty questions with me about every single thing I do. I don't want to say too much though since this is public.
I have had a lot going on with my parents in the past month and with Stevie, like with any relationship- marriage is not always smooth sailing. But, I strongly believe we are only challenged with what we can handle. I think my family always comes out stronger on the other side.
My therapist and I have decided to only meet once every three weeks. She says I am making great progress and don't need to visit her as often. Now, that I have conquered going back to work my new goal is to work on traveling. I am really uneasy about it but one step at a time. I am still in search of a psychiatrist though because I really need to have my medicine adjusted.
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