Optimistic

It's been almost a year since my first panic attack and I'm not going to lie, it's been hard. It's been a struggle emotionally, as well as financially. There have been times when I wanted to give up and thought I wouldn't get through this. But, now that the worst is in my rear view mirror, I wouldn't change a thing about the past year. I would have never realized how strong I am and how much I can conquer. I have overcome so much and moved my life in a better direction. I have a more positive outlook on life than I think I've ever had. No matter how tough things get, I can now look at a situation and know it could be worse. I spent my birthday in a mental hospital and I wouldn't change that either. I admitted there was an issue and got the help I needed. A good friend of mine told me that everything happens for a reason and for a long time I struggled to figure out what that reason was and why it was happening. Now, I realize it doesn't matter why it happened, it just matters that I survived. Now, I have a job I actually enjoy. Okay, the money is not as good but the atmosphere is so healthy. I get paid to be creative and spend time with kids and play games. I have the most supportive co-workers you could ask for. It's an environment that is beneficial to my state of mind instead of making things worse. I have never been a morning person, yet I don't mind getting up at 5am everyday to go to work. I look forward to being at work and enjoy most everything about it. It's helped me find a direction in life and helped me get things back on track. It's going to allow Stevie and I to buy a house and start our family. My goals are no longer on the back burner and it feels amazing. 

Before this past year, I never put a lot of value in therapy. But, finding the right counselor makes all the difference and can be a huge benefit. Sure, the medication helped me in the beginning. Life goes on regardless of your mental state and you can't just pause everything. The medicine allows you to continue your day to day routine and try to stay on track while you learn the coping skills and such that you need from therapy.  But, the therapy is what actually makes the difference. I will never be completely rid of anxiety and panic in my life, but I now have techniques and ways to deal with it and not let it affect me as severely. I strongly suggest therapy to anyone. It gives me an outlet to get things off my chest and to get a different perspective on things- a non-objective or judgmental perspective. Plus, I don't want to be dependent on the medications for the rest of my life. I want to be in control of my own emotions.

This past year has also made me realize how quickly time goes by. Don't take advantage of it. Every moment is precious and make the most of everyday. Life is what you make it. You can't sit back and wait for things to happen, you have to go out there and pursue your dreams.